They’re reindeer, you don’t know where they’ve been. Give and receive love this holiday season and you will surely have a joyous Xmas. The following quotes are perfect for any holiday card. So this Christmas, let’s make the holiday more fun with these funny Christmas quotes sayings. Read: Romantic Christmas Wishes. Therefore, to keep your loved ones and friends happy on this holy festival, we bring some funny Christmas quotes for you. Love you for your chubbiness and the dwindling tires in your tummy. Here are 13 bizarre Christmas laws you never knew existed. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.”, “Christmas, here again. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”, “Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”, “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”, “Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” —Ellen DeGeneres. Relatives are optional.” —Robert Godden. Here are the 35 best small towns for Christmas lights. “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” —Unknown. Let this funny Christmas quote be a cautionary tale. Who doesn’t love a good Christmas film the whole family can watch? Contents1 christmas gift quotes2 how was your christmas3 quotes about christmas trees4 sentimental love quote5 christmas images6 christmas quotes7 christmas sayings8 funny christmas quotes9 merry christmas quotes10 family sayings11 holiday quotes12 spirit of christmas13 christmas image14 christmas phrases15 christmas movie quotes16 inspirational christmas quotes17 sayings about … You know I’m dying for your sins, right? This wasn’t for any religious reasons. What am I, German? Nothing like some funny Christmas quotes to remind you what Christmas is really all about. Love holiday lights? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”, “Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.”, “If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.”, “Christmas: it’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. This wasn’t what it was supposed to be about, people!’ Then if there’s a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, ‘Listen, fat man, you’re just a clown at my birthday party. Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won’t make it ‘white’. “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.”. One […] “Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” —Jimmy Fallon. Here are some funny work cartoons to get you through the week. Do you think of royalty when you think of tea? They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.”, “Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping.”, “Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.”, “Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”, “Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. Well, when you put it that way…  Read on to figure out how the calorie count in food is determined. What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?”, “I hate Christmas. Here are 13 sweet vintage letters to Santa Claus from almost 100 years ago. There is nothing more magical than decorated trees, lights, presents, family and friends to brighten up your life. Here are 15 of the best Christmas movies for kids. '”, “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”, “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”, “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life. People will insist on giving me books.”, “If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.”, 101 Inspirational Words of Encouragement to Lift You Up, 35 Inspirational Songs With Lyrics To Motivate And Inspire You, 25 Creative And Surprising Things To Do When You Feel Lonely, 160 Leadership Quotes from Inspiring Leaders, 99 Funny Christmas Quotes To Keep You Laughing Until The New Year, 131 Gratitude Quotes to Make You Feel Grateful, 107 Thanksgiving Quotes to Make You Feel Thankful, 101 Quotes About Smiling To Boost Your Mood, 300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud. Here’s the reason why we hang Christmas stockings in the first place. Here’s a bit of Christmas trivia you probably don’t know. The funny Christmas wishes are sent through text messages with funny smiley, through cards with funny characters and funny Christmas quotes and Christmas . Make sure you know the worst day of the year to go Christmas shopping. Visit people only once a year.”. Please see our disclosure for more info. Below is a list of 65 Extraordinary Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings To Keep You Laughing Until The New Year. They’ll go great with my sandals. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Worrying about what to do this Christmas season. Enjoy your Christmas holiday, the chicken and goose are waiting, don’t forget to send me the blessings. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?”, “Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. The Christmas festival is a symbol of happiness and enthusiasm. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.”, “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.”, “Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.”, “Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.”, “Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.”, “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.”, “Christmas Shopping: Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn’t have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? Because you do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.” “If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.” Coworkers just wanna have fun. Funny Christmas Quotes for Friends “Why is Christmas like a day at the office? “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. They all look like they’ve got key lime disease.”, “From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.”, “How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? And that’s just not enough.” —Bridger Winegar. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” —Shirley Temple. Here is a selection of over 100 Christmas wishes. “Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” —Dave … Thankfully, there are a variety of ways to lighten the mood this holiday season—including funny Christmas quotes. “There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. Here are 10 truly heartwarming stories that will melt your heart. O’Rourke, “Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!” – Ogden Nash, “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller, “You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.” – Bart Simpson in The Simpsons: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace, “Rats. We don’t want a lot for Christmas. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. 50+ Funny Christmas Jokes, Quotes, Messages 2020 – Christmas festivities incorporate investing energy with the family, embellishing the whole house, all around and shopping, for companions and relatives.The youngsters love to see one another and go through the day messing around and sharing their new presents and toys that Santa Claus brought for every one of them. Some funny Christmas quotes are truly heartwarming. She should have taken that as a compliment! Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.” – Wendy Cope “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a […] Christmas Wishes for Friends: It’s time to share your love with your friends this holiday season through text messages and Christmas cards.Christmas is the time to remember your near and dear ones and share the goodness of your heart with them. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!”, “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. Funny Christmas Wishes for Her. It’s like, ‘Oh great, socks. I almost wish there weren’t a holiday season. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.”, “Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. 1. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?” – Charlie Brown in A Charlie Brown Christmas Movie, “Christmas shopping. Tags: Christmas QuotesQuotes for Occasions. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of ‘s.’ I suppose you could say ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘Happy New Year,’ but you probably have sh*t to do.”, “I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.”, “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Your articles has truly peaked my interest. All Rights Reserved. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. – Melanie White. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.